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Friday, 23 December 2011

Love, peace and harmony..........

What a year 2011 has been, I won't puke it all at you suffice it to say it's been a year of great change. I don't normally do change, creature of habit me, goes to show when you step away, reflect and act good things can happen.

My big boy has decided to take a year away from uni, to say I am gutted is an understatement however it is his life and it does mean he comes home....it's not Leeds it's him! He's not loving the course he chose, so he tells me, he was never a highly motivated soul and with all the reading required for a History degree he has found it, well not difficult  just a tad boring! He's coming home for Christmas...can't wait to see him.

My small boy has had a tricky introduction to secondary school, he likes to push a boundary, god knows where he gets that from! He has settled though and after a very tricky time for him he seems to like 'big school'...not so keen on homework but hey step at a time! He's played a few games for the school football team, England beckons, and in all is a happy small boy, can't really ask for more than that eh?

And then there's me...well 2011 has been full of challenges, all of which I would say I have successfully conquered, today you find me complete, possibly the first time in my life. I see a bright and happy future ahead which after a year like 2011 is a bloody miracle!

And so I write this a happy me, looking forward. My Christmas message would be this.....Life is short, unhappiness can be challenged, don't trundle along when you can hop skip and jump, allow change to happen, take control. Wow now that is wanky!

So...enough of all that, I wish you all a very happy Christmas and a groovy New Year...may you revel in love peace and harmony....

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Shivers....full body shivers. The minutes applause at Leeds....wow.

Robbie Savages tears...his disbelief...his aching....his pain

Gary Speed....Almost a week has passed since the news of Gary's death, I was at the V and A Museum when news came through, to say I was shocked would be an understatement, I shared that moment with someone I love, we were both gobsmacked.

I am  not going to write anything football related, what I would like to do is compose something out of the words that have used to describe him throughout the week.

A shining star a leading light
Footballs favourite son
A beautiful man
A trusted friend..
Bold, charismatic full of charm
A family man
Alluring and kind
Adored to the end
A gent and complete friend.

We may never know if Gary was persued by darkness or why he felt he had to go, what we do have is words, words that have expressed what he meant to people. These words don't tell us who he was but they do tell us that his time here was worth it. My eldest son has been a Newcastle supporter since he was very young....a Shearer thing...he was deeply saddened by Gary's death, he 'felt' it. That says it all...

It's not our business to wonder why....let's just think of the words used...the emotion felt and the deep shock, the coming together...football is many things but in times like these it shows us the value of community, of belonging of  why we love football.

Cheerio Speedo...rest easy.

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones.......

Watched 'Lovely Bones'  last night....liked it. (Apologies if you were expecting some sort of indepth review...not here)

Live together in perfect harmony......

Oh my god.....oh my fucking god. I have just seen the video clip of the woman on the tram spouting disgusting racist/prejudiced shit. I am actually close to tears...I don't know what to say.

I would now love to be able to wax lyrical about harmony and that she is in the minority, I don't know if she is or not, I live in a groovy bubble where colour is invisible...wow I cannot believe what I have just seen. That she felt she could take on a tram full of people of all different colours and creeds without fear is telling, she must have been on something. Many of the other passengers choosing to stay quiet, mind you , you can't really 'attack' a mother with her son on her lap...oh my god she had her son on her lap.

I am almost speechless, which for a blog entry isn't great.

I actually don't know what to say....I am horrified, sickened and saddened...and yeah *god wouldn't have been able to help her if I had been on that tram...where on earth did this hatred come from? Don't get it, I actually really don't get it.

*goddess

I was kind of hoping that if I started typing some sort of clear thinking may follow but sadly not....so without a sensible, non reactive response I should really sign out.

Would now be a good time to mention Rosa Parks?...oh the fucking irony...shame.

Wow.....*shakes head...signs out*

Monday, 28 November 2011

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday........

Birthday today, 43. Aalyiah once said 'Age ain't nothing than a number...' Wise words man.

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Little less conversation.............

This blog was started as a thing to fill time....like many things in my recent past another escape from reality. I am  not sure who will read it now as I am no longer part of Twitter, to be honest it doesn't matter, I have nothing to sell, I certainly won't be making a career of writing but I am holding onto it as it feels like a little bit of me....my pal said when you write your blog write it for you...

I will continue to write it.....different reasons today than to when I started it. You find me a very different person to when I first wrote on here....I am happy, complete and very much anchored in reality...still chaotic but very much here.

So read away if you want......sporadic but here all the same.

You're about as easy as a nuclear war........

 
'Come into the office.....I need to talk to you....' Hmmm what on earth could this be all about me thinks....this scenario was what I experienced this week ....hauled into Management's office to discuss my massive fall out with a member of staff....suffice it to say I had no idea what said management member was talking about. So there I was stood, I refused to sit, in front of a guy with the man management skill of Steve MaClaren, being accused of bullying someone.

Got me thinking.....jokey, sarcastic sweary me is quite a bundle to handle but what people rarely see is reflective, deep, thinking me...why is that? Maybe that me would be easier to work with?

The boys I work with get more of me than my colleagues....more real Laura. They get me, the rebel, the question everything, the it's ok to laugh, it's ok to talk.... me. They respond well to real people.

Not  long ago I had a young lad in my form, he was a very troubled boy, autistic coupled with mental health issues, he is no longer at our school, special provision means he is now in a safe centre and getting the help he needs....this lad self harmed and had no emotional connections, was unable to feel emotion and yet one day in form time he came in and looked at me, I was most unhappy that day, difficult lessons, and recent events in my personal life were beginning to show...'Miss are you ok? You feel very black......' he came up to my desk and just offered his hand...amazing moment...this poor troubled boy showed empathy...a huge thing. He stroked my hand and went and sat down...goes to show that even when your mind starts to work against you there is always something that you have, that something that makes you real.

This same boy walked across the playground with me one day....it was Children In Need day...all staff were dressed as 'famous people'....I was Amy Winehouse....skinny jeans, fake tats...heavy make up and a massive black wig....he asked my friend who I was...'Well look at Miss...she has a beehive, tattoos etc...who could she be?....Much thinking....'Er Whinnie The Pooh??' brilliant. (Beehive....get it?)

It is a shame that as adults we do not allow these natural emotions and skills to come through in our daily life.

The bullying issue is resolved....I am not a bully apparently.....I know that, I am many things but a bully I am not...fucking bully? Jeez.

As a consequence of this other Laura kicked in.....reflective, deep and thinking Laura.....I am a bit of a handful, I do question everything, I do get angry, I do respond to injustice...I am chaotic, I am real, if this makes me as easy to deal with as a nuclear war well sobeit...........BANG!

Saturday, 5 November 2011

This is not the greatest song in the world.....no, this is just a tribute.

Mike was a great guy....very cool, well travelled and a strength to rival any thing classed as strong. his mental capacity was awesome but physically broken, did that stop him? Did it heck.....

A young upstart with a penchant for ladies, fine wine and very fast cars Mike was a dude...love of music and a hint of the rebel, I learned all I know from him....'Question everything Laura...seek out the good, justice will prevail...' some of the wise, if not cheesy things Mike would say

One of my fondest memories of Mike was of a journey in his brown 3 Litre Capri to the airport, music blaring, Back in the USSR~The Beatles I think...I was sat in the front with him, he was singing along, rock  nod engaged and I was shouting drive faster, faster, go faster......

Mike was a very special guy, he had always been a sickly child, suffered TB as a young man and had complications with his spine as a very young child. He spent a lot of his childhood in and out of hospital, operation after operation. He lost a lot of school time so was a lonely, but a mature and wise boy.

He decided he wanted to be a Quantity Surveyor.....having missed a lot of school he was told this couldn't happen, he wouldn't get the qualifications, should give up....haha give up my arse, he, while having another long spell in hospital signed up for several correspondence courses which he worked on while recovering from more spinal surgery. He, of course, passed and this was just the beginning of what would prove to be a successful businesss life and a succeessful man.

He became the Quantity Surveyor he wanted to be, against all odds, ran a small business and shone...this small business was to become a big business with clients from the Middle East to the USA.He travelled all over the world, soaking up cultures and embracing difference...there's a theme here.

Mike worked hard and played hard, once when Schipol airport was closed because of snow he was locked in a hotel with Hawkwind....suffice it to say they were a messy few days!

Everything he did was a challenge, so many operations on his spine had taken their toll, his legs were temperamental and the ordinary life was not so ordinary....he refused to use a wheel chair and had 'go-faster' sticks.

Speed was his thing...fast cars fed his soul.

Today would be Mike's birthday, he was taken 18 years ago, not by his broken body  but by cancer...he defied the Doctors and did not allow it to rule his life, ensuring he would go when he was ready, not when the cancer wanted to take him.

Mike was my Dad...hero, role model, dude! All that I am today, bar a few hiccups has been through the power of my Dad....a guy that anyone who met would admire, respect and laugh with.Disability did not stop him doing whatever the hell he wanted and his world view, ideas, politics and sense of justice live on through me.....passionately.

And so Dad...thinking of you today, happy reflections, happy memories. Yeah there's a tinge of sadness but the time he was on this earth was long enough to plant the seed....it's still growing.

A montage of tunes for me Dad.......

 http://youtu.be/PxyISsA0Oh0

http://youtu.be/IoMi8aWLDCs
http://youtu.be/IfniG-AdSC4
http://youtu.be/QTfwcLdP5Xk
http://youtu.be/rOJN5VY1xYc

Love ya, miss ya x

Saturday, 24 September 2011

Times like these......

I am a one way motorway......well obviously I'm not but there's a lot to be said about those few words.The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. My eldest son has gone....left....gone to university.

Oh how it hurts! He is 4 hours away...which as a driver isn't that bad but after dropping him in a small room with no-one around with his bags unpacked and a sad smile on his face I didn't realise how it would affect me. I sobbed the whole journey home. His whole life flashed before me...first tooth, first word, first steps...god it was so painful it did actually hurt.It is of course fantastic he is at uni, studying history and larging it up in Leeds it echoes a new beginning for him and me.

 Had never factored in the moment when my boys would leave home...I am not a clingy Mum, nor would I ever stop my boys feeding their souls but I didn't realise how very life changing it would  be. Life conspires to test, I've learned it's not all about passing the test but taking it on, having a go and knowing you have made the right turn.God what a wanky statement that is.....

This is not a bid to find myself nor a cathartic exercise but a moment in time, a few thoughts to pass some sober time late on a Friday. I would talk about the new beginnings around the corner, the difficult past but that, my friends, would be very very wanky and this blog has always tried to defy the wanky.

Ryan Adams is playing in the background...a fab Foo Fighters cover....I guess there is a lover and a fighter bursting to get out...it's times like these she will prosper.

Friday, 19 August 2011

Feeling groovy.......

Been away for a bit, a fab weekend with some proper groovy friends in Mottisfont and then to North Devon, being a Cornish gal I was slightly underwhelmed with North Devon a mix of old and new buildings which at times didn't sit happily together...went to Westward Ho! Weird place...loads of beach but no-one there....weird. Headed home today with stop off at Glastonbury....visited loads of times and each time I want to shout out 'Fuck the fuck off with your so called grooviness, cunts' yep they make me that mad. I don't do prejudice so obviously this is not aimed at all of the residents of Glastonbury just the really 'groovy' ones.

I have been called many things in my 42 years, some of them complimentary, including being called groovy....I don't wear tie dyed baggy trousers, don't have eyebrow piercings and don't call home baked bread fucking artisan bread...I am however aware of many cultures, lifestyles, religions, I embrace nature and all she gives us, I do have a penchant fo barefootedness and I do bake my own bread, however, I don't need to prove it to anyone by how I look...yeah ok I have dyed red hair, new tattoo and a pierced nose, I did that for me, not to conform to any groovy stereo type that I detest and boy do I detest it.

Glastonbury has some fabulous history, myths and legends...how weird it must be for Christian Pilgrims to rock up to a town with it's connections and find a load of 'groovies' selling anything but Christian related items...

Ok so there you have it...can't bear fakery in any form. I acknowledge that many people chose to live an alternative life, fucking lucky them, I wish I could...browsing some of the shops today I noticed a tie dye pair of trousers, obligatory purple shades....guess how much??? £65.00 how groovy is that?????

So Glastonbury take a step back...have a look at yourselves, embrace all you will but without making us feel ungroovy......as Simon and Garfunkel once said 'Slow down, you move too fast, you've got to make the morning last just kickin' down the cobble-stones, lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy'... 

Here endeth the rant...apologies for said rant, it just fucks me off!


Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Gil Scott Heron said......

No riot talk here....

Gil Scott Heron, a lyrical genius and a musical icon for me, wrote a song in 1971 called Save the Children...it's a great song,

If you're driving through the country on a lazy afternoon
Or you're watching your children playing after school
They seem to be so unaware of
The things that they soon have to take care of

We've got to do something to save the children
Soon it will be their turn to try and save the world
Right now they seem to play such a small part of
The things that they soon be right at the heart of


My little Tommy he said he wants to be a fireman
And little Mary she said she got to teach school
If we know all we say we know about the problems
Why can't we do something to try and solve them

We've got to do something to save the children
Soon it will be their turn to try and save the world
We got to do something to save the children
To save the children
To save the children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQDbJA_4fPc




I have tried several times to write this today and started again and again....I want to be able to tell you about some of the things I have experienced with the young people I work with, I can't, I would love to be able to share some of their stories, I can't. My passion for young people is immeasurable but I am unable to share this with you......

So as Gil said we need to find a way to save the children, it will indeed be their responsibilty to save the world one day.......take from this what you will.

That, my friends is all.


Monday, 8 August 2011

Painted lady......

Yep up early again......

So today marks a new era for me, having my first tattoo today. Nothing too big  and without any sentimental reasoning just a tattoo!

When I was at school there was a homemade tattoo phase that we all went through. Morrissey sang  'Scratch your name on my arm with a fountain pen, this means you really love me' I tried to do this on several occasions, not a name but the A for anarchy symbol. Each day I would scrape away at my arm and add more ink in the hope I would be successful. Luckily I was not!

New era for me sounds very dramatic actually, it's not. When I was 33 I had my nose pierced my way of rebelling against my norm, whatever that was! Today marks a new 'rebellion' keeping myself on my toes, checking in on myself! Now that sounds wanky but in my role as wife, mother, daughter, friend it serves me well to have the odd 'fuck you' moment!

The tattoo I have picked is a line drawing by Jean Cocteau, it is of two people cheek to cheek, simple and just lines, I don't seem to be able to post a picture but to be honest it is for me and while I'd like to share with you, it's me who will love and live with it! I will try and post a picture when it is done. Intriguingly when I have mentioned this on Twitter it created more conversations with people than anything else I chat about. To be fair though most of the time I am talking bollocks but my first tattoo seems to create interest and chats more than anything else. The joy of Twitter...the thing you feel is not of any interest to anyone evokes the most chat....

So at 1.30pm thoughts of homemade tats, Morrissey and what has come before today melt away as I lay my trust in James the tattoo artist and I become a painted lady....

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Its oh so quiet........

Again up early, again I find myself here...to be honest I am lacking any inspiration, apart from the title, I will sit here and see what happens!

Twitter's a funny old place to hang out, I was dragged there kicking and screaming by a pal so I could read his blog and enjoy the banter....so I joined. His blog is excellent by the way, Dispatches From a Football Sofa and I am now a fully fledged twitter bitch, it probably does own me!! I am not a Face Cracker...why on earth would I want to reconnect with people I have lost contact with, that was the point of losing contact! I can be a miserable fucker! Love people but don't want to spend too much time with them face to face, hence the joy of Twitter.

So I now have 106 followers, mainly Spurs fans due to the nature of early connections and #FF.  They are a lovely bunch, funny, witty, caring and part of my everyday life, which sounds a little weird but it is the truth! There have been a couple of knobs/nobs who have thought it amusing to be either abusive or tell me how big their cock is, but hey if you were down the pub you would probably come across people who think that's acceptable!

I love the mind map of the people I follow from lycra wearing carpenter types to punks to a handful of minor celebs, one of them often gets in touch to share a piece of music I might enjoy...definitely a bit of a twitter whore!! What's interesting is that my real life pals are prominent in my Twitter life.. @ilovemyredhair is my bezzie mate, we see each other at work and then go home and tweet at each other for hours! Sad or is it like meeting for a coffee after work and kicking back?!

There is a pressure that comes along with Twitter though, an expectation the you will be amusing, witty, interesting and have a blinding blog...hmmm fail on most of those but with a moniker such as terrible bore I hope the expectations are low from the start!!

Music has turned out to be a great subject of discussion on Twitter, I have made some great connections with people who share a passion for music and a willingness to listen to recommendations and share new or old music that turns them on. Marvellous way of widening the iPods aleady diverse mix of tunes! Once the football season starts again I am sure I will have stuff to say...especially about 5Live's insistence on using Steve McClaren as a pundit, I know he knows football but christ I don't want him commentating on it! Please!

So the beauty of Twitter for me is clear, it's a solitary game...often sat waiting for a reply or just hours spent catching up on blogs but it's also a small community that suits me and my grumpiness, I can chose to connect or not! Whether that is healthy or not I don't consider that...why should I, it's me and my laptop strolling through time lines, butting in when I have something to say, relevant or not! I like it.......

And so that's me and Twitter...it usually starts when I have woken up too early, when its oh so quiet......

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

The lunatic is on the grass.....

Another post......

It's a strange thing, blogging, I've been much prouder of other stuff I have done, but here I am trying to write something else today....while I write I am listening to Dark Side of The Moon....one my top 5 fave albums ever...picture me stinking of patchouli oil, bareefoot, wearing an Afghan jacket with long wavy hair and a fresh daisy chain around my wrist...bloody hippy! Whenever I listen to it, which is often, I am taken back to a time when the sun always shines, life was easy and deep discussions where common place...well I say deep discussions, we thought they were deep they probably weren't, just usual angst I suspect! Saving the whale, CND and peace and harmony stuff...maaan!

Music can do that to you, my senses are always affected by this album and still are....Smell~patchouli oil, Sight~ a field of daffodils, Touch~my smelly sheepskin waistcoat, Taste~cheap red wine (vinegar!) Sound~the hearbeat that starts the whole thing off. I feel/experience these senses every time I listen to to this wonderful album, most powerful is the smell of patchouli....strong, earthy and even now a smell that sums up a period of my life that I spent being mainly barefoot, often drawing sandals onto my bare feet, yep, seriously I did, and lounging around in fields, is it possible to 'lounge' in a field', anyway.....

Times spent listening to the crackling of the vinyl was magical, lots of smelly hippies gathered in a vey smelly squat kicking back, Nag Champa joss sticks burning and listening with intent to the meanings, nuances and simply 'being' in the joy of an album that has to be listened to as a whole and never just one song...shuffle for this album should be illegal, impossible to enjoy it...must always be played whole and in order...always!

I could now do a break down of each song, what it means to me blah blah, christ that would be harsh on you dear reader, as if what is above this isn't enough piffle for one day! Maybe another time...maybe not.

So Dark Side of The Moon has real place in my heart for many a reason, it's a Marmite thing. Personally I can't stand Marmite! I pity youngsters today...how the hell are they going to experience their youth in 'senses' in 20 years times, I suspect Bruno Mars and and other 'modern' music makers won't have the same effect as this joyful album has on me....shame!

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Whatever turns you on....

Back again...stupid o'clock but always a good time to write something....

You will see to the right of this post several links to mainly football related blogs, I am not even going to try and write about football, too many of you lot are excellent writers, my efforts would be laughable. I am however happy to write about sport in general. I love it!

There's something about the bear pit that is sport that turns me on. It's not the geezer bird in me, it's not that I am very sporting myself, it's not even that my family are sporty it's just......something.

Earliest memories of sitting in front of an electric fire on an orange an brown rug eating corn on the cob while watching World of Sport fill me with joy! My Dad was a sports fiend, hence my love of sport, and we would watch Dickie Davies present wrestling and horse racing with other results appearing at the bottom of the screen! Oh happy days. This ritual has stuck...I have a thirst for my faves MotoGp, football and F1....but any sport still ticks a box. Many are not pleased about London hosting the Olympics...money, transport and legacy being the hot bed issues. I won't comment either way but rest assured I will be watching the cycling, the athletics and the BMX ing...it just turns me on.

A few years ago I had the pleasure of being involved with my eldest son's football team. We were an ok outfit but the ethos and attitude of the club was amazing. We all were realistic enough to know our talented boys would not be spotted, or play for England. They played hard and well but fairly, as parents we met regularly for a pint or two and organised many social events, inadvertently showing our lads that social skills are just as important as playing skills...we had that very rare thing in youth football, committed, realistic parents and happy, un pressurised boys. We didn't win a lot, it didn't matter....what mattered was the opportunity to play football with like minded lads and enjoy it, sadly a rarity nowadays I feel. Don't get me wrong, we all wanted to win...desperately...but as Bobbie Robson once said 'You got to be a good loser to be a good winner'...

My Dad particularly loved F1 he had driven in rallys in the past and was a complete speed demon. His car selections showed this, my fave of his was a 3 litre Capri, brown in colour and went like shit off a shovel, I myself had a 1.6 Capri in the 1980's nowhere near as cool as my Dad's but fun to drive nonetheless! James Hunt was my first sporting crush...such a handsome man, bit of prick though sadly, I was young and not a very good judge of character! Ayrton Senna was my god.....driver extraordinaire and beautiful too! Dad would watch and drive each circuit from his chair commentating on gear changes and how to 'do' the corners...'Ease into it Laura...then power out'...happy days.

And so today here I am, my adorable Dad no longer on this plain but deep in my heart and his passion for sport deeply embedded too....it doesn't matter that I support Wolves, to be honest I only do because Dad took me to watch them when I was 3, it doesn't matter that my passion for MotoGP has over taken my love of F1, it doesn't matter that I couldn't get ticket for the Olympics...it's the 'sport' I love...any sport...whatever turns you on eh?

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Life is like a box of chocolates....is it fuck!

Not going to use this blog thing to rant but seriously do I really need 'inspirational' quotes straight to my inbox??? Patronising and guaranteed to make you feel like your life is shit....no I don't.

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Go in on an Aum.......

Hmm, I seem to be here again...partly because I was up way too early courtesy of next doors chickens and partly because it's a nice way to spend some time...just typing stuff, almost meditative and after a Twitter chat with @magicsuitcase I have decided to put fingers to keyboard again.

I used to go to meditation classes, to find a little bit of peace of calm. There were about 10 of us, very diverse bunch, all groovy though. Our 'guide' was a lovely lady, full of good with a real sense of who she was, in a good way. We would chat politely and then assume our chosen positions. Some liked to sit on a chair others on a cushion, one lady liked to stand...to get the benefit of the 'energy' created in the room.....each to their own..
Our 'guide' would take us through woods, beaches, deserts encouraging us to listen to the silence, embrace it and go with it. This was bloody difficult...thoughts of 'Have I paid the council tax?' Did I switch the iron off?' 'What shall we have for dinner?' entered my head and any chance of meeting my 'silence' was always a losing battle. I went every week in the hope that peace would come.....
The most interesting bit of these sessions was the chat afterwards....people really felt something, were  emotionally drained, some cried. Me? I guess I liked the company of groovy people but peace never came, I never really felt anything.....
I recently went to stay with some really groovy pals in Hampshire, their house is a house that hugs you when you go in, really great vibe, really great people. Our hosts have the most fantastic diverse taste in music and while sat on the cushions in their front room something came on the iPod that got my attention.....a deep gravelly, vibrational sound. We all sat and just listened, nothing was said we just listened and just at that moment, there it was....nothing! No inner chatter, no worries...nothing. United in this amazing sound we sat for at least 5 minutes just doing and saying nothing, even my small boy, who finds quiet difficult, just sat. A moment of peace and calm.
What was this transformational music that sent us all into a trance like state? Don't laugh...Mongolian throat music...magical, seriously, truly magical. Don't bother with you tubing a sample of this most wonderful thing....nowhere near as good as what we experienced. Sadly I can't remember the name of the CD or who was throat singing, but it was a moment in time that blew me away.
You don't always have to go in on an Aum to meditate....sometimes peace and calm will just find you....

Thanks to @magicsuitcase and @spurssimon for encouragement and wise words.....peace out!

Thursday, 30 June 2011

It's like heroin, a little bit moreish.....!

This blogging thing is intriguing, not only am I here again, at 5.58 am but I am jotting a few thoughts down aswell...verbal diarrhea. I think I will need to find a theme for my blog, do people really want to read wild ramblings? Not sure, but as I do more maybe the writing will improve and a theme will appear.
I used to keep a diary as a teenager. I found one a few years ago...not very Adrain Mole to be honest far more tortured. Life was hard for a Smiths loving, poetry writing CND following me! I used to read books about astral projection and Milton's Paradise Lost was a fave, although I am sure I had no real understanding of it's meaning. More of a cool book, you know kind of kooky cool!
The diary was an interesting find. Littered with pressed leaves and doodles of rainbows with clouds and a single raindrop it was strange to see the old me. In fact it was probably not so far away from the me of today, questioning, lost, confused, aching... It was from 1983, I was 15 and aching for a red haired mohican styled Plymouth punk called Rat! I say punk anarchy was just something painted on his leather jacket. He was a beautiful creature, piercing blue eyes, sadly he also had a glue sniffing goatee, you know a ring of spots around the mouth!! We used to meet at Truro train station, drink crap coffee and play Outrun... I had a flat top, more Grace Jones than King Kurt to be honest but we were living the 'dream'! Visits to Victoria Gardens where shit was talked and teamed with White Lightning made Sunday afternoons seem magical.
Open and way too honest my diary charted our romance, thank god my Mum never saw it. Kissing was logged and rated as were the conversations and anything gathered from the boozy trips...leaves, daisies and even a money spider sellotaped on a page! Sweet innocent aching! Not very 'fuck the system' but sweet! We never made love, we never really knew each other but Rat was part of my 1983 and I adored him his presence in my life was moreish. We each wore a safety pin in our ears and vowed never to take it out. Sadly it went green and a bit scabby quite quickly and germolene was the only thing in my left ear for a couple of weeks!
According to records we met every Sunday for about 4 months....
I discovered recently that Rat, that beautiful creature had succumbed to heroin and it had taken his life...apparently heroin is a little bit moreish...

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

'I think there's been a rape up there....'

Said David Brent in my favourite bit of The Office, the whole scenario is so fantastically shocking that the look on everyone's face is just perfect. Fantastically shocking is something that intrigues me...how I may react to a situation can be the polar opposite to how you may react.
My sister visited over the weekend, it was quite a shock, she has been living in Colchester for 5 years but has only now has she embraced Essex! Plenty of visits to Tantastic, loads of bling and new tat behind her ear, designed it herself and a really strange accent. I last saw her 4 months ago Essex had not consumed her.....it was a shock! Twitter followers will be aware that a question asked yesterday consisting of blow jobs and driving was asked, with a view to shock, my colleague was horrified, I laughed.
Is it shocking that a footballer lost his job because he sent photos of his cock to two young girls? Is it a shock that coverage of Palestinian kids sending kites over the border with messages of peace was minimal? Is it a shock that Andy Murray has got through to the semi~finals?...I don't know that's up to you to decide.
There is a great moment of 'what the fuck?' for me in an episode of Family Guy...Stewy and Brian are joint presenters of a radio show, a young model is helping them present the show......look it up, as someone who is not phased by blow job questions from young people I was rendered speechless with  the words..'Tastes just like Daddy'....funny thing shock!

It's early and I have stuff to say......

Well it is early at least, as for the gravity of 'I have stuff to say' that is debatable.
I'm up early and frankly chatting to myself on Twitter was nice but I'm hoping this may be nicer...I don't really like the word nice, but it does have it's place.
Concentraton is something I crave at the moment, I have none and have had none for the past 2 ish weeks...I know why, you may never know why, it doesn't matter. In a way lack of concentration is a welcome distraction, I feel now what some  kids feel when I am working a classroom in my own alternative little way.
I love working in education, yeah it's challenging but that's how it is...with  more and more parents sending their kids to school expecting us to complete their kids, the education system is fit to burst...I ain't no teacher but I do teach, I ain't no educator but I educate, I ain't no guiding light but I guide. Bit bollocky that sentence but hey bollocky is allowed on a Wednesday at 6.18 am......
So my foray into the blog world has started......here it is.
Don't expect profundity, don't expect daily musings, don't expect wit and humour...if fact keep expectations low and we will get along just fine.
It is what it is until it isn't anymore......